she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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