When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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