dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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