Will you blow on my dice?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
