Your face is a jimmy john
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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