i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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