WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
