C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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