I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.