Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.

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  (909): I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part. http://tfl.nu/wibn
  Replies (14) Good night (4597) Bad night (616)
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  (718): View more from New York

  don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.

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  (718): don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time. http://tfl.nu/80vr
  Replies (5) Good night (2041) Bad night (563)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.

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  (413): Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke. http://tfl.nu/75mi
  Replies (48) Good night (2356) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to

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  (612): I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to http://tfl.nu/s30p
  Replies (154) Good night (4004) Bad night (894)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome

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  (740): My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome http://tfl.nu/ktp3
  Replies (27) Good night (3526) Bad night (1089)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"

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  (402): My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet" http://tfl.nu/f79o
  Replies (16) Good night (3474) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.

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  (616): the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles. http://tfl.nu/0i26
  Replies (13) Good night (3898) Bad night (1104)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy

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  (517): These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy http://tfl.nu/omc1
  Replies (11) Good night (3319) Bad night (1044)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.

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  (902): Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/bcf5
  Replies (4) Good night (897) Bad night (1512)
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  (244): View more from

  There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other

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  (244): There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other http://tfl.nu/rd7y
  Replies (2) Good night (1724) Bad night (738)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".

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  (610): Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember". http://tfl.nu/q5o1
  Replies (4) Good night (2008) Bad night (470)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.

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  (859): You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary. http://tfl.nu/khbo
  Replies (5) Good night (973) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.

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  (813): My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester. http://tfl.nu/4ngv
  Replies (1) Good night (1083) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.

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  (570): Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore. http://tfl.nu/jsbv
  Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening

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  (301): I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening http://tfl.nu/y28c
  Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (379)

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