we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.