its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.