I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ate ashes out of my bong