i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
