Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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