what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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