you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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