just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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