Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
