I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
