alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
