I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
