is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
