3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
