i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
