I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
