I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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