If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
