He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
