wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
