good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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