Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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