btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we made out on top of his cat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
