I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
