I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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