Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
