Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
