State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
