im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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