i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You are a genius and a whore.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
