No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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