I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he thought i was a dude.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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