I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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