Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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