Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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