the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
