I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
