i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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