She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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