i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
