When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
