No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
