THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
