so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
