hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
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I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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