It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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