no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
