I cockslap morals
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
