his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Randomize
