rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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