Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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