hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
