Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
