a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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