My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
