So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
