im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
