I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she smelled like a LAN party
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
