her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize