haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
