ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
